So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
