I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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