I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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