Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
