i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
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Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
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Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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