Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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