mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
