perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
