So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
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I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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