Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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