it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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