and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
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