He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
