I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
