When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
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And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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