ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
