why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
