btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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