Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
