Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
