I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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