You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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