South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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