when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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