Tell her she can't have a vagina
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
