everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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