i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
