My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
