i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
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I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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