I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
