Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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