this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
