i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
