I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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