at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
