it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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