As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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