using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
