Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
