First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
