So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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