He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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