just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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