dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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