Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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