I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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