im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
