ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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