hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Found the puke drawer
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
