Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
