there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Enjoy the penises
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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