just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
