We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
