I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
