i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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