Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
