morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize