he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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