is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
