Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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