I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
