Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
