Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
